Monday, July 7, 2014

whats on the menu for today?! murder.

Happy Monday! You know the drill with the comments, but here is a quick review, if you find any mistakes feel free to comment it and  will fix it. or if you wish you can just tell me your opinion in the comments. Every bit helps and I hope you enjoy! See you on Wednesday.:)

A.A.M.S
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updated version: All right, I fixed it up. Thanks for the advice Rianna!:) Better?
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and this is what i get for dealign with demons huh? chained to the wall sitting on hay which pokes painfully through my dress and being stared with what looks to be a hungry look by a ‘something’. ive already forgotten his name, im sure that idiot demon i dealt with would say that was rude of me. but what exactly do i care about his opinion. or anyones in fact? i had obviously not cared what my mother thought of me when i left for the underworld. a sharp pain in my chest told me i was lying to myself, i had good intentions after all. and it had taken me a very long time to even commit to it. in fact, ive been planning this thing for years. and i guess this was part of one branch of plan. each branch held a different possibility of what might happen after i summon the demon. there was the possibility i would be dragged down to the depths of hell and tortured for eternity, or i could have been forced to eat stale cookies and make polite conversation for a few hours. how odd, i think i prefered the idea of torture for eternity to that. a bit of saliva dripped down ‘something’s chin and it wiped it away with the back of his hand. all the while not taking off his eyes from me. i held my head up high and said in my first launguage, “i am not food.”
“to me you are.”, it said, and knashed it's teeth in a sharp toothed grin.
“ill make a deal, and only with you, “i said leaning forward and smiling as a plan formed in my mind, sure it was crazy, but it was a svetlana plan after all,, “if i faint from fear, you can eat me. no harsh feelings or anything. but i don't suggest my arm, it's mostly bone and skin anyways.”
something clicked it's forked tongue and i heard it's stomach growl. i adjusted my legs, and said wincing, “but right now, i have to pee like a racehorse.”
something sighed heavily and it's head hung showing off a lighter blue head spotted with white dotting like freckles between ints horns. it got up form the chiar and said moving across the rooma nd rummaging, “i knew this time would come.”
while i had the chance i took my plan into action i breathed in deeply and placed my thumb gently against the scaphoid bone located between the thumba dn wrist. i gritted my teeth and with a quick motion broke the bone. there was a snapping as sharp pain went throughout my palm and fingers as well as up my arm. i stifled my whimpers and let my head hang for a moment while catching my breath. something bumped the door with it's leg and it slid open slightly, i saw it again, a glimpse of that red door. death reeked from it, they had to be there. babushka always said i was good at reading omens, and the key to reading omens is to reading auras. and the aura coming off that door was a boiling tar like look, each bubble bursted and shooted the smoke further on into the corrider. swallowing hard i stood up, something turned to it's large glass like eyes on me, it's ears flopped a little bit in a disheveled and alert way and it growled, “sit down scum.”
i sighed and spoke in a long slow voice, “the only scum here is you.”, i smoothed my eyes over something and smirked, “oh, and whoever gave birth to something like yourself.”
the ear of somethign twitched and it turned it's back on me again, and continued to find what i presumed was a bucket. this time, with a bit more menace. i chuckled slightly, “how adorable,”, i said sarcastically in a baby voice, “yoru pouting. just like a good little monster.”
“you are very good at making people angry at arent you?”, something hissed over it's shoulder.
i laughed slightly and said sweatign slightly from the effort to keep up the act with all the pain, “i fancy i do, im quite proud to be honest. it's my specialty to poke peoples buttons.” i whistled slightly and jumped makign my boots click, i slid off the cuffs then.  and said as i caught them before they fell to the ground, “did you find that bucket yet? im about to burst over here.”
there was a groan and a large amount of clattering as things fell, after a moment and things settled something came out with a metal bucket.  it unlocked the cage and came in, and sniffed in a lusteful way. there was a moment of bliss and then it placed the pail on the ground near my feet. i kicked it gently and said, “is this it?”
somethign growled begrudgingly. i shrugged and picked it up, it was really heavy. i stood up and held it up putting my wieght on my right leg. there was a moment of silence, a curious, confused silence coming off something. well, this works too i suppose. i smiled and swung the bucket at it's head, there was a large thud as it hit something in the temple. it staggered back and it's back hit the bars of the cell. i brought the bucket up again and hit it again against the top of the head, then swung again and knocked something out with a crack to the jaw. a misplaced jaw, a bloody bucket dropped onto the floor with a loud clatter, and panting coming out of my own mouth in effort. i huffed and smoothed back my hair and got a few twigs of hay out of it. then i brushed off my butt and my stockings. i cracked my neck and shoulders and made my way out of the cell. i looked at the door, which was edged open still slightly by a tin can which had gotten cuaght between the door and frame. i pushed the door open slightly and looked, well, even if i was blind i would know that place was menacing. gave off a creepy feel. in the hallway of a red hallway decorated with dark compact swirls. different shades of red made it hard to distinguish which was blood stains and which was part of the pattern. i shut the door gently and did something babushka had taught me. i opened my arms wide and imagined a bag to appear. a old carpet suticase appeared. i opened it and peeked in. as always, it provided what i needed. a handpistol.cocking the weapon and adjustign it in my hand i opened the door steadily. i creeped through the hall my hands shakign slightly as i held in my breath so i didn't pant from exhaustion and fear. finally i reached the red door at the end of the hallway. reachign for the diamond handle i gripped the gun and swung it open . i swung up my arm adn aimed it at the nearest object, which just so happened to be the head an old fat man with a large fur coat on and who looked completely like a pimp to be honest.he looked at me with bloodshot brown eyes filled to the brim with a delight. across on each side of the long polished mahogany table with a large black runner down it was many people i did not recongize. a women who looked to be a flapper was serving drinks, not only to the men sittign in suits and smokign cigars but also women delicately biting on cigerate filters and looking at me amused. although, i recongized two faces. one was heirs, shocked and full of panic. then there was the familiar face of the women sitting at the head of the table. it was veles, death, ruler of the underworld. and it was a woman, which was something i did not expect. she had the familiar face of death, a face i recongized because of dedushka. there was a coldness only death could carry in the room. infecting every pore on my body and injecting into every bone and artery. flowing gently till i would become stiff liek all of her victims. heir stood up nearest to the end of the table on the left side, he looked at me while straightening his tie, “forgive me my lady,”, he talked to veles next to him. she had a viel drawn over ehr face, but i could still see the deep red lips and the completely black eyes behind it. her horns, that of a deer, twisted delicately holdign up the viel. “it seems i have something to deal with.”
“veles.”, i muttered. a feeling ran down my spine into my stomach. it was the feeling of the trigger, the pressure of it. the pressure to squeeze it, to use it. on myself.
she put her head down and smiled and i saw yellow pointed teeth show. my spine tingled as her eyes searched over me, “how did you manage to escape?”, heir cut in.
the pimp looked at me and scoffed, “the child broke ehr wrist.”
“you're wrist?”, a woman said in a chuckling tone, she looked at me and i saw she was a glamorous person. “why not pick the lock? you have pins in yoru hair after all, or you could have stolen the keys.”
i  made a decision then, i made the decision to use the trigger like i so wanted to. i shot that woman. i shot ehr in the head with a swift movement. there was some gasping as i moved the gun back to the pimps head swiftly and i said my face twitching into a grin. “i have the gun, i suggest being quiet.”, i said my voice wavering slightly to the group.
the crowd slightly fidgeted as heri said, “you just killed a knight of veles.are you mad?”, shock had goen over his face. meanwhile, veles was now looking interested at me.
“I-Im sure shes fine.”, i said with a mutter.there was a large thud as a hand banged on the table. the women rose from the ground holdign ehr forehead and striaghtening a few loose strands of hair. i nodded over at her, “see.”
“you damned brat.”, the women muttered and sat back in ehr chair.
huh, i guess i still am a brat. im only sixteen after all. i shrugged  quickly and said, “n-now then, veles.”, the doe like women looked at me with blank and blunt eyes, i continued, “you cursed a certain person in my life. take it off. i need to have you take it off.”
“wont you mention her name? we curse quite a lot of people.”, muttered the pimp.
i looked down at him, a moment of stillnes came over me, i no longer felt the pressure for amoment. so i acted on my own. i  threw the gun in the air and cuaght it by the barrell, i swung it heavily at his head and it cracked on his skull. he yelped and whimpered holding his head. i fixed my gun again by tossing it and catchign it by the handle. i looked over at heir and said, “that's something you should work on.”
heir seemed to burst then, he thwacked his hands on the table and yelled in one of his agonizing shouts, “i have had enough. we will humor you no longer girl with no respect for surperior beings.”
“superior?”, i scoffed, “you know, yoru very rude.”, i realised a moment later that this was were i shoudl have been scared. but instead, i felt like i had the upper hand suddenly. perhaps ive gone mad.
a man stood up, he looked at me, and i looked at him, a word was on the tip of my tongue for that man. i couldnt quite place it. he had longish sleek black hair and pale blue eyes, seemed to look the most normal among the lot. he said braicng his hand on the table, “i think it's time for us to stop playing with our food.”, he looked over at the women and smiled, a sort of smirk really, “what do you think cat?”
the women cleared her throat slightly and said, “i agree.”
i laughed and dropped the weapon, now, this is wierd. i spread open my arms and was unable to speak. i excepted them that easily, all because of bewitchement i suspect. i suppose that jittry feeling earlier must have been the real me. i suppose it makes sense, since im in this situation. everyone stood up except veles in a eary moment of silence they held hands and nodded. i laughed again, it came out crazed. that's embaressing. oh well, if im bewitched, this wont hurt. i wrenched my arms towards the knife on the table. just as i felt the coolness of metal against my finger i felt something grab my arm. literally something. something pulled my arm up form behidn me, i looked at the crowd among me. they had grown fangs, horns, extra bloody arms, parts that didn't belong, and their eyes had become slits.they had become demons. oh dear  im in a bit of a pickle.pickle, jar, glass, mother would breka like glass if she knew i was to die.wait no, i don't need my thoughts to end up there. mothers glass. mothers tea set. my eyes widened as i remembered, the broken tea cup. i put my hand into my pocket, my breath came in a moment of relief. babushka had a plan, as always. i smiled and pulled out the tea cup shard. i reached up towards the arm that was being held by something. i sliced it all the way form my wrist to my elbow. i saw a glimmer of red eyes that flickered slightly at the smell in surprise and heir screamed, “blood crone!”

i smiled and said feeling my sanity surging back in and the bewitchment seeping out, “well arent you rude?” as blood dribbled down my arm and dripped down onto the floor it formed with rapid speed into a pentagram. the pentagram whirled and as my feet disapeared i shouted, “that's something you shoudl work on!”

4 comments:

  1. you have read this already why are you upset?

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  2. I've been quite enjoying your story, Anna! I was looking forward to getting the next installment all day yesterday.
    A few observations:
    You used "where" instead of "were" three times.
    You said "tears were rolling down her cheeks" twice in the same paragraph. There's nothing wrong with that, it just felt redundant to me.
    There were a couple other spots that felt awkward, as well. Obviously, it's your story and you can phrase things however you like, but I find that sometimes I am too close to the writing to realize when they don't come out the way I intended. Things that make perfect sense in my head don't always come through the keyboard. For example:
    "Lucy said tears forming in her eyes and her mouth quivered ,” Alice, please forgive me. " " I had to read that part twice to make sure I had it figured out. It might flow better to break it up, like, "Lucy said 'Alice, please forgive me.' her eyes filled with tears and her lip quivered. 'please....'" Or something like that. Ya know, instead of cramming it all in before she starts speaking. But that's just my personal writing style, so don't let me make you feel like yours isn't good.
    Also, so glad you pestered Connie into blogging! =] Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thanks! I was feeling like this post was way to awkward. And yet I couldn't figure out how to fix it. But thanks to you now i finally can fix it :). I have a lot to fix in the story just because some of it is awkward when its not supposed to be awkward. The help is appreciated and I will fix it right away.

    P.S. I'm glad that Connie is starting a blog. It means she writes more often and more enthusiastic about it. Also I get to read her stuff,which I adore.

    ReplyDelete